Tweets - July 2015

1 July: That lovely moment when a fussy little person gives in and falls asleep.

7 July: Celebratory lunch. (Spot the sleeping baby).
Of course five minutes later sleeping baby woke up and insisted on sharing mummy's burrito.
Hooray for a baby feeding sign that isn't a bottle!

8 July: The hazards of painting one's toenails with a crawling baby.

11 July: Picnic baby
Baby got hats.

14 July: Everything is making me sad today. Might be a tad hormonal.
Today I saw Phoebe push herself up to standing for the first time. Not sure by if accident or design but a first.
My pickle has been chewing something brown she found on the kitchen floor. Coffee bean? Gravy granule? Who knows!?

15 July: Don't mess with Yoghurt Face.

16 July: The most beautiful sight in the world is a sleeping baby.
Thunder and lightning! ⚡️

17 July: If your question is of the form "why is object X in unusual location Y?", the answer is probably Phoebe.

21 July: Stand off: @robhu vs BMW driver who refuses to reverse. I think I know who wins this one and [it] isn't the beamer.
"What have you found Phoebe? Can mummy have it?"
Phoebe hands me a dead fly.
"Thanks baby."
#yuck
At least she didn't eat it. But what else has she picked up and eaten without my noticing? :-S

23 July: Chubby legs and little feets.

24 July: First time of wearing for this cardigan. Those are soot creatures and it has Totoros further down.
This week Phoebe has been mostly shaking her head and pulling herself up to standing.

25 July: Breakfast is going well, as you can see.
*sigh*

27 July: Phoebe looking particularly urchin-like.

Classic bum in the air sleeping baby. How is that comfortable Phoebe? 

My baby stands up.

28 July: I think she likes it. :)
One confused wasp. One calm Bekki.
Baby obstacle course

31 July: Suspicious baby at the park. (Yes, I have problems with horizontal).
I do not understand people Who Write Facebook Statuses Like This. Why the extra effort for unnecessary capitalisation?

Tweets - June 2015

4 June: Sleeping baby. Hungry mama.
Poorly baby finally gives in to sleep. Think I'll stay on this cool shady bench a whole.

8 June: Ginger beard and lilac hair. Brave look, dude.
Resignation letter written. :)
Crankypants baby is exhausting. She just had a mini meltdown because I had the audacity to suggest she not eat my laptop power cable.

9 June: Cousins

11 June: The perfect yoghurt moustache and beard.
Cambridge in summer. Time for my seasonal hobby of walking into tourists' photos just as they press the shutter.

15 June: Tried Phoebe with cherries again. She poked them suspiciously and then they hit the floor.
Have given her porridge with yoghurt and strawberries and a few sneaky bits of cherry. I think it's going to be messy.
Ha! Bits of cherry are being identified, extracted and disposed of on the floor.
One bit made it into the mouth and was spat out again. OK I get it Phoebe, you don't like cherries.
Ah, sweet sleeping baby.

16 June: My response to the Game of Thrones finale: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Help! I have a mobile baby!
Oh monkey!
Rob's shirt hangs around for weeks before it gets ironed. Slings get ironed the day they're washed. #priorities

17 June: About to sing at a May ball. I'm wearing a velvet jacket I made the year I started university (1998). I guess it's vintage, darling.

18 June: Today's toys: strip of cardboard from a dessert box; measuring tape (retracted); pieces of fluff from the floor (which double as snacks).
Not forgetting the ever popular piece of scrap paper, baby wipes packet, mummy's phone & whatever mummy happens to be holding right now.
She's tired, I thought. She'll settle easily and then I can go to bed. Maybe I'll be asleep by 8.
Nope.

20 June: 3:30am. Rob & I try to sleep perched on the edges of the bed while Phoebe rolls from side to side in the vast space between us, singing.

23 June: Yesterday a trip to the Dr to get chest pain checked out resulted in an ambulance to A&E, x-ray, scan and a diagnosis of pulmonary embolism.
Memo to self: next time you have chest pain maybe get it checked out before you've had it for a month, especially if you're short of breath.
Grateful for swift diagnosis, treatment that works with breastfeeding and lots of lovely medical staff.
I just need someone who speaks baby to explain to Phoebe that mummy needs lots of rest!
Reading. :)

24 June: Mama needs sleep. Baby says "naps are for wimps!". :( Hurry up Nana!
Sous vide salmon with philadelphia pasta and asparagus

26 June: It seems when I got braces I signed up for 12-18 months of @robhu singing Teenage Dirtbag at me. I don't remember that on the consent form.

27 June: Cuddling a sleeping baby: never not awesome.
This child has been feverish and cuddly all day. But now it's bedtime, she wants to party with my hairbrush. 

29 June: Most overused phrase this month: "Phoebe, what are you eating?"
(fluff or dried food she's picked up from the floor. Must hoover more).

Tweets - April 2015

2 April: Breakfast in bed.

3 April: Today Phoebe discovered how to splash on purpose. Bath time just got much wetter. Fun though. ☔

4 April: Phoebe's latest noise is a click made with her tongue. All the time.
For dinner tonight Phoebe is eating potato cakes, pork slices and broccoli. Though actually she's so far ignored the broccoli.
And the pork is a bit tough to chew so she's mostly eating the potato cakes which are just the right amount of squishy.
Now attacking the broccoli by her usual method of peeling off strips and sucking them.
She also likes to grab the frilly bits and chew the stem.

5 April: Sunday afternoon.

6 April: Are the bluebells out yet anywhere near Cambridge?

7 April: #selfielapse happy Phoebe
#selfielapse :-) https://instagram.com/p/1LQBGzzbl1/
Seven minutes of Phoebe.
Rob is learning to play the recorder.

9 April: Breakfast
A baby and her kazoo. Also, if you look closely, you can see her first tooth.
Mum skills: syringing out the correct dose of calpol while holding the wriggling and unhappy intended recipient of said medicine.

10 April: The weather is warmer and I feel like I've forgotten how to dress for sunny weather. This time last year I lived in dresses & leggings.
But dresses don't work for breastfeeding and I hate all my short sleeved  . Shopping required.
Going out for the first time in the big girl seat on her buggy.
I could have sworn the person getting onto the bus after me asked for "A return ticket to the real world please." #Cambridge

14 April: This is what you're currently missing by being at work, daddy.  

15 April: Phoebe in fabulously retro Little Bird dungarees.
Cucumber for the win!

20 April: Mummy in shades. Monkey in a sun hat.
Started an argument about 'chemicals' on a baby related Facebook group. This isn't going to end well, is it?
Someone posted this http://www.healthyfoodstar.com/this-powder-is-causing-cancer-in-10000-women/ …. I said the headline was highly inaccurate. Someone else said baby shampoo is full of carcinogens
Fear of chemicals makes me cross. You can make people scared of anything by invoking the c word.

21 April: Cot day two: getting to know the robot.
Shhh! Phoebe is napping. :-)

22 April: Blowing cross bubbly raspberries is probably not the most effective means of expressing one's displeasure. It is however very cute.  

23 April: Fabulous tulips.
Spring!

25 April: Woken up at 12, 4 and 6 when Phoebe decided it was morning. How did people survive babies before coffee?

Ducks are for eating.  

27 April: Berry smeared baby.  

28 April: How is my little person all smiley in the morning when she's been Howling McScreamybaby all night?

29 April: I'm being held captive by a minuscule dictator whose every whim I must interpret and satisfy or face her tiny squeaking wrath.

Strain to grab favourite toy, succeed. Throw it out of your reach. Melt down until mummy rescues it. Repeat.

30 April: Spoon for breakfast.
The frustrated baby gets her hand on the cup she's been trying to reach for the last 5 mins, only for it to roll further out of her grasp.
Poor frustrated Phoebe. The sooner she can crawl, the better for her level of happiness. Though mummy's stress levels will increase. :-S
Baby got all the kazoos!

Tweets - May 2015

1 May: All smiles and rainbows. :-)

3 May: Today's outfit is very pretty I think. Plus it has a chicken on it.

4 May: Sleepy. Nice day. Took the monkey swimming for the first time and she loved splashing and whirling in the water with daddy. Now zzzzzzzzzzzz

5 May: Mummy's phone! Gimme!
Wrapped up warm against wind and rain.

6 May: Uhoh! Phoebe has figured out how to join rolls together & get places. So far that's allowed her to pull washing off the airer & chew cables.

7 May: My favourite little person with her two tooth grin.
Raining. Hoping it stops later so I can get out to vote without getting wet.
Getting to know a new robot friend.
Pieces of roast courgette make a satisfying wet thump when dropped from a highchair.

8 May: Twitter full of doom. Best result of my night was Phoebe sleeping through the night in her cot. What sort of country will she grow up in?
Monkey on my back.

10 May: Starlit baby
One day I will rule the galaxy.

11 May: Crawling is getting closer. Just watched Phoebe  stretch forward from sitting and get all the way into a crawling position.
She stayed there for a bit and then got frustrated cos she wasn't going forwards (just backwards a little).
Feeling like checking out of the real world for a bit. Somewhere peaceful and calm and full of lovely things. Bed will do nicely.

13 May: Punk baby

15 May: Clever monkey slept through the night two nights in a row! Yay!
Turns out that monkey didn't sleep through. @robhu settled her at 2am. I was blissfully unaware!
Would you let this cute little monkey poke her finger up your nose?

17 May: I can't work out how to rotate this, so here's a Phoebe Hyperlapse, sideways.

18 May: Phoebe has been awake since 0520 and has been mostly shrieking since then. Currently in the bath as she covered herself in yoghurt.

20 May: Give a baby a box, distract her from pinching your arms or stealing your phone for at least 30 seconds.
Getting ready to go out. Realise I put on bright orange socks that clash with everything cos I wasn't planning to leave the house today.
The socks in question.

21 May: Playing my monkey bird song to soothe her to sleep. So lovely!

May 22: Definitely white bumps on Phoebe's gum. Upper right 1 and 2.
The monkey regards being dressed as a form of torture which should be forbidden by the Geneva conventions?

23 May: Mate, your piano seems to be on fire.
Bare chest, own language, stripper dress, lovely dancing and er, Old McDonald. #ESP
Oximated?
What does the Fox say for grown ups? #aze
I will go to bed and enjoy a babyless night's sleep. I will not watch the Eurovision votes roll in on twitter. I will go to sleep. I will.

24 May: "Turn the oven out" is a perfectly sensible idiom, even for an electric oven, right? @robhu was confused by it.
"Born and raised in London’s infamous E17"
Me too! Er, is it infamous? (we went to the same primary school).

26 May: Phoebe in the park

27 May: RT @theyarnyard
Fed up with "working people" rhetoric. What about the carers, the unwell, the at-home parents, the retired, the between-jobs?

29 May: Surrendered to sleep
Trying out a baby-sized glass.

31 May: My favourite little person. Even if I'm currently cuddling her back to sleep after another screaming fit.

The new Saturday morning normal

Recording a fairly ordinary morning because I want to remember these things. This is normal now. In a few months it'll be different. Phoebe is 37 weeks and 3 days old. She can sit up but not yet crawl, though I think that's coming. She wakes up a lot at night (though a lot for her is every 2-3 hours. I'm well aware for some babies that would be brilliant. Big hugs to anyone dealing with hourly wake-ups) and I'm very tired!

It's been one of those less good nights. I put Phoebe down to sleep at 715. She woke up at 8 and sat on the sofa watching Star Gate: Universe with us because I couldn't be bothered to fight. At 9 something we went to bed - Phoebe and I snuggled in the king size bed. Rob would be up for a few more hours playing StarCraftII and whatever else he does before sleeping on the sofa. (His preference incidentally. He prefers to sleep alone and not be woken up).

Phoebe woke at midnight (sent back to sleep by ten minutes of mummy milk), 4am (longer this time, both breasts, a nappy change and some time talking to the baby in the bathroom mirror) and at 6am when she was crying inconsolably and not even milk or the mirror could settle her enough to go back to sleep. So, I gave up the idea of sleep, opened the blackout blinds and we spent a couple of hours with me dozing, her playing on or next to me, intermittent milk and the occasional crying session (her, not me) until around 8, we were both hungry and I was in need of coffee.

Breakfast involved first emptying the kitchen of drying washing (leaving it in there overnight with the dehumidifier running is the easiest way to get it dry without filling the house with damp) and moving the highchair and a dining chair into it. Rob woke up at this point and moved himself to the bedroom. Which was probably a good thing as it means he gets more sleep and isn't grumpy about being disturbed.

Phoebe and I ate breakfast. Banana pancakes and strawberries for her, muesli with banana and yoghurt and blessed coffee for me. I spread cashew butter on some of the pancakes which tasted yummy, but of course became smeared all over Phoebe's hands, arms, face, hair etc. So, a bath became necessary. The monkey likes baths and I like giving her baths. She had a lovely time eating her ducks and I got most of the mess off (though I found cashew butter in her ear later). But she also managed to do a sneaky poo which I didn't notice until emptying the bath. I thought I'd noticed her poo face, but couldn't feel anything at the time (I put emollient in the bath water for her dry skin, which makes it cloudy). Goodness knows how long it had been there. Oh well.

I got her out, dried her off and smeared her with newly prescribed emollient cream. Then she sat in her cot for a while playing with (i.e. eating) a board book and a muslin square while I tidied the bath and the kitchen and got dressed. There were only a couple of squeals when she fell over. She's good at sitting, but can't get up if she topples over. The cot went up on Monday and I've been trying to get her to sleep in it without success, so it's great that she was happy to play in it, even without me in the room.

Eventually she got cranky and tired, about 9.30am. By then she'd been awake for 3.5 hours, so she was ready for a nap. I fed her to sleep sitting next to the cot, but she squeaked when I tried to put her down in it, so we moved to the sofa. Now I'm sitting cross legged typing as she sleeps. Except she's stirring. I think nap time is over. Oh, back to sleep. But I'll post this now.

Phoebe at 8 months

My dear chocolate smeared daughter,

Today you are 8 months old. Your daddy decided that since it's Easter, you should have some chocolate and decided to give you a flake to eat. The above is what resulted. Guess who had to clean you up?

You are generally delightful at the moment. At least during daylight hours. At night, you can be unsettled and wake up frequently. You are still sleeping in the Moses basket in our bedroom, at least in theory, although in practice you spend most of the nights and your day time naps in the big bed. When we can convince Daddy you really are too big for the basket, we'll move his computer to the living room and set up your cot. But for now, you're within arm's reach at night.

You're enjoying food. You've got much better at handling it. You can pass pieces from one hand to the other and turn them so they're easier to get into your mouth. I haven't yet found a food you don't like, though if you're tired more goes on the floor than into you. Chicken seems to be a favourite. Tomatoes and strawberries you're possibly allergic to. We'll avoid them for a bit. Of course you still like your milk.

You're fortunately not very mobile yet, although you're getting there. You've been rolling from front to back for ages, but only in the last few days have I seen you roll from back to front and connect up movements to get somewhere. A couple of times I've left you sitting and come back to find you lying on your front, intent on reach some object or other. You fall over sometimes. There was a big bump today as you fall backwards and hit the floor a little too hard. You cried and I scooped you up for a cuddle. The bumps make me sad, but you're learning about gravity and how to overcome it.

You chatter a lot, especially when happy or eating. So many noises! Lots of bah! Bah bah BAH! None is attached to any meaning yet, but you enjoy testing your sounds and babbling away to yourself. Daddy thinks you're noisy, but I like it.

You like watching people. In the sling when we're out, you become Serious Baby and stare intently at strangers on the bus or wherever we happen to be. They try to make you laugh, but you resist. Your giggles are mostly only for Mummy and Daddy.

You and Daddy are a good double act. He plays you the kazoo, then hands it over and you play it too! You try to play other objects too, so maybe you haven't quite got how it works yet, but it's very cute. You laugh when he growls at you and throws you up in the air. Sometimes you watch him as he moves around the room doing things.

Breastfeeding has been much better. It's still a bit sore if I'm not careful, but on the whole, the horrible itching is under control. You tell me when you're hungry by bobbing your head at my breast. More like headbanging than the sweet bobs of a newborn now though. Sometimes you break off in mid feed and bob some more, for the fun of it.

You are fun. We're beginning to see your personality come through. You're wary of strangers, Mummy and Daddy are best of course, but after some staring, if you're in the right mood, you warm up to people. You like looking at other babies. Sometimes you stop what you're doing and listen to the noises the birds make outside our room and on the roof. You are very interested in the world.

Keep learning, little girl! I love you very much.

Your Mummy

Tweets - March 2015

March 1: It seems the best way to get comfy is to hang on to mummy with 1 hand while waving your other 3 limbs madly & rolling from side to side.

March 3: Unsettled teething (?) baby. Mama in pain from whatever the hell's going with right boob. It's going to be a long night. :-(

March 6: Good morning world. :-)

March 9: Showing off her latest skill: sitting unassisted.

March 10: This week Phoebe is mostly working on B sounds. A bah a buh a ber.

March 12: White blossom. Blue sky.

Happy hummus-smeared Phoebe.

RT @terryandrob
AT LAST, SIR TERRY, WE MUST WALK TOGETHER.

March 13: Can't help laughing when Phoebe aims two bits of broccoli at her mouth at the same time and misses with both.

Out for dinner. I think Rob's getting hungry.

March 14: Look what I made! (I went on a chocolate making course today, an early Mother's day present).

March 15: Phoebe tucking into my salad.

March 16: Phoebe in pink. Mummy in pink and purple.

So yeah. Sometimes I dress my baby in head to toe pink. But sometimes I wear all pink too. I like pink. As long as it's not compulsory.

Feeling slightly crazed after solo parenting for less than 48 hours. Come home soon @robhu !

Phoebe is in one of those overtired states that flips over into bouncing hyperness. Calm down and go to sleep please baby!

Nursing craziness included bouncing up and down with my nipple in her mouth and latching enthusiastically onto any bit of exposed skin.

March 17: Happy 17th anniversary of passing my driving test to me!

Someone likes meatballs.

March 18: Phoebe falls asleep with hands behind her head like a sunbather and legs in the air.

I touch her toes. She starts, wiggles, relaxes and falls into a deeper sleep with legs down.

March 20: Am I producing milk or double espressos? Phoebe is full of energy. Go to sleep, monkey!

Today Phoebe has been mostly: blowing raspberries; eating; pooing.

and saying Bah! We've had a lot of bababba bah today.

March 22: Starcraft watching baby. #sc2 #gsl

March 23: Watching Fawlty Towers with daddy.

Eating lunch in the photographers' lounge.

Monkey stole my sandwich!

March 25: This mini activity centre is brilliant. Something to do on every side and light enough that she can turn it herself.

I don't think that's quite how bonjela is supposed to work.

Phoebe has spent several minutes chewing on an orange segment. From time to time she takes it out, looks at it for a bit, puts it back in.

Out in the sunshine.

March 26: The dungarees Phoebe is wearing have 7 functional pockets. For someone who doesn't need pockets. The most I have is 5 on my jeans.

RT @StephieDoug
One of my favourite posts. The anger has eased but the memories are strong. When New Mums Get Angry   #sisterhood

RT @AstroKatie
Request to media: Stop characterizing the Germanwings co-pilot as “depressed”. Mass murder is not a symptom of depression.

March 27: Good morning world.

One happy monkey and her mama.

RT @Doulamaddie
Brilliant article! No I'm not a nipple nazi either!...

March 28: Late night selfie with daddy.

March 31: Windy morning rainbow.

Today started with screaming at 6am yet somehow we didn't get out of the house until 1030. So it goes.

Oh now I want to watch Buffy again. Every argument on the internet about Buffy.

Tweets - February 2015

February 1: 6 years ago I first called @robhu my boyfriend. Now he's my husband and the father of our baby. I love you my Rob monster. :-*

February 2: Team Zissou baby. http://campl.us/rV0s

February 4: I have an activity centre the size of my head but looking at mummy's phone is far more interesting.

February 4: Today my little monkey is 26 weeks old. Happy half birthday Phoebe! Today we saw some tiny newborns and you looked so big!

I have the sweetest alarm clock. She wakes me up with gurgles and pats and only the occasional finger in the mouth or eye.

February 5: Thursday's to do list. With annotations by Rob.

Cherubic sleeping baby.

Baby sleeping. I've had a shower, blow dried my hair, got dressed and now I'm eating breakfast. Luxury!

Sunbathing position.

Accomplished!

February 6: Phoebe likes chewing on muslin squares. Mind you, that's true of anything she can grab.

Things Phoebe is interested in chewing: hands (hers or mummy's), string of teething necklace, zip of mummy's fleece, her jacket sleeves.

Things Phoebe is not interested in chewing: teething necklace, Lamaze hippo toy with chewable ribbon knots.

Slowley family selfie. :-) Out at a restaurant to celebrate Phoebe's half birthday.

Phoebe behaved beautifully at D'Arry's. She had milk while we waited for the food to arrive and then sat on my lap and played with broccoli.

Baby's first cappuccino moustache.

February 9: Loving @beatonna's baby cartoons. Especially  So true!

That lovely moment when you pick up your baby and she's sick straight down your cleavage. :-/

February 11: Happy avocado smeared Phoebe.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! Itchy boob! Woe! I want to go to sleep. :-(

February 12: I put Phoebe down next to me and she rolls closer to snuggle. Hang on, what's that warm sensation on my shoulder. Oh it's sick. Thanks baby.

Just below my chin, a sweet sleeping baby.

Got Phoebe from crying to giggling by singing Phoebe-be-be-be-be-be to the tune of the hall of the mountain king & bouncing to the music.

The problems of having small arms. Phoebe is very good at pushing food to the edges of the highchair team where she then can't reach it.

Phoebe has now given up on trying to eat the food and is instead playing with/chewing the sleeves of her oversized Wipe Clean bib.

Swoosh goes an arm. The pile of food which has accumulated at one side of the tray cascades to the floor.

February 13: Aaaaaaaaargh! Again. Extreme burning pain. I think I have ductal thrush. Hope I can see a sympathetic GP today. ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!

Sleeping baby transferred off mummy and still sleeping. Feel like a Mama ninja!

Flailing arms tipped with razors. Tiny fingers which hook onto nostrils. These are the means by which a tiny baby colonises a king size bed.

February 16: Valentines art by Rob. :-)

February 17: A day without Phoebe. I missed her, she missed me and was grumpy. But big smiles when she got me back and when we returned home to @robhu.

February 20: Dreamt I got stuck on a UKIP battle bus. They were friendly, but weird and kept trying to break my phone.

February 22: Phoebe is obsessed with sticking out her tongue and licking everything.

Rob likes giving Phoebe tiny amounts of things to taste. Today he gave her a little vinegar on his finger. She was not impressed!

February 23: When did all-in-ones/babygros become even standard wear for babies?

Mummy milk makes everything better. For Phoebe anyway. Wish it worked on other things/people too.

February 24: Tucking into bread and hummus. Yum!

February 25: Daddy's kazoo.

February 26: Phoebe has noticed there's another mummy in the mirror. She looks back and forth between me and the mirror with an air of puzzlement.

February 27: Signs of spring. :-)

Phoebe's gums squeak as she chews on the knobbly beads of my (teething safe) necklace. This one.

Phoebe and I are being serenaded with classic Nintendo tunes played on the kazoo by @robhu. I think that's his idea of a lullaby.

February 28: Hungry baby! Third feed since 8pm last night. Tired mummy.

Monkey is disinclined to sleep. She would rather babble, wave her arms around, chew my hands and stick sharp little fingers up my nose.

To Phoebe at 6 months

Dear Phoebe,

Today you are exactly 26 weeks old. 6 months have gone by since the day you were born. That tiny red faced little skinny baby has turned into a rosy cheeked, curious, happy monkey. You're still little, 9th centile, but you're growing all the time.

You're sleeping right now, or almost sleeping. We've been lying in the dark on my bed with brown noise playing on my laptop, both of us falling asleep. I can hear you sucking your thumb and know that it will gradually slip out of your mouth as you fall asleep. Or you'll wiggle a bit and settle again with your hands behind your head like a sunbather.

You're sleeping in your Moses basket. The one I slept in and so did your aunties and cousins. Unlike the rest of us, you still fit at six months old! But soon you'll be big enough to move into a cot and you'll be sleeping in your own room. I will miss you, monkey. I worry that you'll have to make more noise for me to hear you wake up in the night. Right now I can hear every little twitch and breath and hear you begin to stir when you're ready to be fed. I'll miss that.

Right now, you are mostly delightful. You are curious and interested in the world. Every new place you go, you want to look at everything, the people, the things in the room. You delight strangers on the bus with your smile. You're intrigued by the things grown-ups eat and drink, especially Mummy's water glass. I've given you a sip of water a couple of times, but mostly I think you wanted to bite on the cool rim of the glass. Soon we'll start giving you solid food. I'm a little apprehensive about getting it right. Milk is, well, not easy, it's been tough, but at least I know how to do that now. Solid food is a whole new world for you. I worry about giving you good eating habits when mine aren't always good or overwhelming you with new sensations before you're ready. I need to take a deep breath, offer you some food to play with and trust you to get on with it.

You like wiggling on your play mat. You even like tummy time a bit now, though it's taken a while and I don't always remember to do it. You've rolled a few times from tummy to back and we've even caught you on video. You've not rolled the other way yet, but whenever you're on the floor, you spend a long time grabbing your feet and rocking from side to side. Your feet are good toys. The other day you managed to chew on them!

You chew everything, especially your hands. Sometimes I think you're teething. Sometimes I'm not sure. No sign of a tooth yet, though at times you seem miserable and there's lots of frantic chewing. You've been a bit grumpy and clingy for the past few weeks. According to the Wonder Weeks, it's leap 5 and the grumpiness is because your brain is working out all sorts of new exciting things. I do hope so! I love seeing you learn.

Daddy can always calm you down. Sometimes I think he's more in tune with you than I am. You like to grab his glasses and pull on his beard. I think you're going to have lots of fun together. I can see his face in yours sometimes, your expressions are similar.

I love reading you stories. You giggle and kick your legs in delight. I don't know if it's the pictures or the words or just the sound of my voice, but it's lovely. You've not started grabbing the books yourself yet, but I expect you will.

Breastfeeding you has been hard, but we're still doing it. Your tongue tie was snipped twice and still isn't quite right, though recently we finally seem to have a decent latch. This week you've been refusing the breast when the flow isn't fast enough. That made me sad. Too many bottles when you had a cold and didn't want to feed with a blocked up nose or didn't want to feed for some mysterious reason of your own. But we're persevering with a supplementer to up the flow. Maybe it'll just be a phase and in a few weeks we'll be back to feeding without it? Maybe we won't. But I'm glad to be still giving you my milk, as much as I can, even if it hasn't quite been the way I planned.

Today we saw lots of little babies and you looked so big! You've grown so much, yet I only notice when I stop to think back. It does go fast, like they say. But it's wonderful. And stressful and emotional and worrying and exhausting and all those other things too. But wonderful.

I love you, my monkey, my Phoebe

Your Mummy

Tweets - January 2015

January 2: Still in bed and stuck under a sleeping baby. Can I stay here all day?

January 3: Breakfast in bed accompanied by the gurgles of a happy baby. :o)

January 4: Baby wombats look like old Kung Fu masters.  :-)

January 4: Wombats are lovely. http://www.zooborns.com/zooborns/wombat/ … I am a tired, sleep deprived mama and baby wombats make me cry. I should go to sleep.

January 5: Twitter has a distinct back to reality vibe this morning with an undercurrent of illness. I am in the feeling not well category.

January 7: Baby in a sling, in a fleece, on a bus.

Eyelashes

January 8: “@qikipedia: Online sales of baby equipment spike at 4am in Britain.” I'm not surprised.

January 9: Morning snuggle. (No we haven't got out of bed yet).

January 10: Unhappy baby with a slight temperature this evening. Just over 2 weeks since we were in contact with chicken pox. Hoping it's not that. :-S

Currently sharing a bed with: a dozen baby books; assorted toys (some with bells in); torch; thermometer; cot mattress; muslin squares; hat.

Not currently a baby, though that happens. Nor a @robhu who prefers the sofa as he doesn't get woken up there.

Someday soon the baby (and the cot mattress) will be in a cot in a different room. I'll miss her, but at least I'll get @robhu back.

January 11: Trying a dreamfeed. Mostly because I'm getting fed up with waking up at 4am with painfully full boobs.

January 12: In the long term, is fabric conditioner good or bad for clothes?

The eyelids flutter. The thumb slides out of her mouth. She realises, replaces it, but it begins to slide once more.

At last the thumb falls out, the eyes close and she sleeps.

Jan 13: A we're still in bed and I can't get the exposure right selfie. (teething baby currently not grumpy, fortunately).

Grumpy teething baby asleep in sling. Babywearing FTW!

RT @fabsternation
Slow clap for Waltham Forest council (yet again). Labour? What Labour? May as well be Tory > http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/jan/13/families-cheated-homes-poor-labour-council-gentrification … #Leyton #Walthamstow

Retweeted that and then got an email about similar shenanigans in Barnet. What's up with that London councils!?

January 15: Sad teething baby will only sleep on mummy.

Lying in bed in my parents' house listening to soft baby breaths inside and wild whirling winds outside. Night night.

January 17: Grumpy baby keeps wailing. A little soothed by the Blue Danube Waltz.

January 18: Being cute at 7am.

January 20: Ah, sweet sleepy milk-filled baby. :-)

January 22: Only one thing for it. We'll have to take our new babywearing coat out for a spin.

Finally asleep! And I'm now stuck.

January 25: What is it that after a really good feed makes my breast tingle/itch/burn like crazy so I can't get to sleep?
[Answer: Vasospasm. I thought it was thrush for a long time, but I was wrong. So painful! Improved with being vigilant about good latch, keeping my nipples warm and taking high dose vitamin B complex.]

RT @FictionFox: The thought of the #NHS is one of the reasons why I try to remind myself that it's my duty and my joy to pay tax, really.

January 27: Phoebe's in her pram today. Can't help thinking it must be boring to be staring at the ceiling when she's used to being upright in a sling.

January 29: And once more there was wailing and gnashing of teeth. Well she's got no teeth, so gnashing of gums. Can you gnash gums? Poor grumpy baby.

January 31: Argh! Itchy breast keeping me awake again. Gerry.
[I assume that's supposed to be Grrrrrrr.]

3am makes me grumpy and wanting to throw things and shout at people. And unable to grammar.

Tweets - December 2014

December 1: Phoebe hungry and cross. I think the milk isn't coming out fast enough. Much chomping, pinching & taking herself off to express displeasure.

December 3: Pics from wedding at the weekend reveal how lumpen I look. :-( But my new wrap sling arrived today. :-)

And Phoebe is currently asleep in it so I think she approves.

December 4: Have you finished eating yet baby? I want to go back to sleep.
Finished, Mummy? Never! Om nom nom nom.

Bought a babywearing coat online. They sent the wrong size. Sent it back. New coat is right size but wrong colour. Also not sure about fit.

Dunno whether to keep, return for refund or return for correct colour. Will try it on with different combos of clothes/wrap to check fit.

December 6: My monkey is a restless eater. Head constantly trying to manoeuvre into a better position, legs kicking, hands pinching handfuls of breast.

December 8: A shower and breakfast and already dressed before Phoebe demands a feed? Luxury!

Rob has a go at babywearing.

December 10: Oh baby. Are you going to go to sleep now you've finished eating?
No mummy, I'm going to lie here being cute & blowing raspberries at you.

Also coughing and sniffling and sounding like a piglet.

December 12: Feeding Phoebe while the wind howls and rain drums on the roof. Feeling warm, cosy and thankful for shelter and heating.

Wriggle. Wriggle. Fart. Look at hands. Blow raspberry. Poke tongue out at mummy. Big grin. Chew fist. Wriggle some more. Repeat.

December 15:
Anxiety dream about playing in a school concert? Really, subconscious? I've not been at school for a very long time.

Odd day. Phoebe napped in her basket this morning, then screamed for an hour, then had third set of jabs, then slept all afternoon.

I think screaming was ear ache and sleep is probably the best thing for her but she's not eaten much since morning feed, just little snacks.

RT@LynnCSchreiber Love this! Lego Friends

December 16: A year ago today I found out I was pregnant with Phoebe. Best Christmas present ever. :-)

Trying to persuade sad baby with a temperature that sleep will help her feel better. Fortunately she doesn't need persuading to take calpol.

December 17: RT@LadyFOHF A fantastic takedown of @rustyrockets (Russell Brand) by the man whose lunch he ruined. (It was paella)

It's the kind of day where at 1pm you're sitting on your bed wrapped in a damp towel feeding a baby who refuses to nap.

December 18: Clean jeans put on approximately an hour ago. Already adorned with baby sick.

Ridiculously excited that @robhu has the day off which means I can go and get my hair cut. Baby free outing!

There's nothing quite like cuddling a sleepy milk-filled baby. :-)

December 19: My baby girl giggles! Apparently daddy saying Bang! is hilarious. :-)

December 21: Milk-filled at 4am.

December 22: Taking a sniffing, coughing snotty baby to the GP. Probably just a cold but it's been weeks and getting worse not better. #firsttimemummy

Cuddling a snotty baby who only wants to sleep on mummy. This does not bode well for getting the flat tidy today. Although sling will help.

December 23: Full of snot baby who doesn't want to feed plus blocked duct lump equals woe. Thank goodness for breast pump.

December 24: Sitting in my sister-in-law's pink teenager bedroom pumping milk for my snot-congested baby.

December 25: Listening to my little family snoring. Snot Encrusted baby and not snotty but snory @robhu. Happy. Except I would like the snot to abate.

Merry Christmas from Phoebe and her giant bear.

December 31: Cuddling a sleeping baby. Should put her down in her basket again and go to sleep myself but savouring the moment for a bit. :-)

Tweets - November 2014

Nov 2: Grateful that brown noise sends Phoebe to sleep. Also the car (she slept all the way home from Exeter to Cambridge).

Nov 3: One of the unexpected pleasures of having a baby is making up silly songs to sing to her.

Nov 3: poor baby! Tongue tie still limiting her, six weeks after we had it snipped. Not clear if regrowth, too small cut or scarring from infection

Nov 3: And no wonder feeding is so painful. She can't make a good seal easily and getting a good deep latch is hard for her.

Nov 4: It's a lovely day to be sitting in bed, feeding the baby and watching fluffy clouds in a bright blue sky.

Nov 4: The view from my bed this morning.

Nov 4: Here is a cute baby. :-)

Nov 4: Breastfeeding so far has been one painful problem after another yet it's still the best part of my day feeding my baby daughter to sleep.

Nov 5: Hope Lords like @lordstoddart @Dafydd_Wigley @LordJohnBrowne vote not to allow sell-off of forests today in #infrastructurebill debate

Nov 6: Put sleeping baby in cot.
5 mins later look in cot. Big blue eyes.
"Hello baby, you're supposed to be asleep."
Big grin. "Play time mummy!"

Nov 6 :"Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow. Everybody needs a bosom." Except I don't think Cornershop ever sang about throwing up on said bosom.

Nov 11: Small cross baby screams like a tiny banshee. I yelp as she latches on too shallowly for the umpteenth time. :-(

Nov 11: 2nd tongue tie division yesterday. Hoping things will improve but we've got 3 months of painful too shallow latching to unlearn.

Nov 12: Cranky baby needs a nap.
Cranky baby refuses to nap.
Cranky baby gets crankier.
Come on cranky baby, go to sleep!

Nov 12: Baby finally succumbs to sleep. If course now I'm stuck under a baby.

Nov 13: Hello Kitty baby.

Nov 13: Babies under 2 months can only see in 2 dimensions? Crazy! Though maybe more accurate to say they can't perceive depth.

Nov 13: RT @LittlePanda82
So I've learned recently that Farage thinks Armistice was a bad idea, and wants to americanise the NHS. Cant we all agree he's awful yet?

Nov 14: RT @greensideknits
Fluffy pigs! http://www.bbc.o.uk/news/business-30042761 … BBC News (World)

Nov 14: Waiting for the bus.

Nov 15: Aargh! Every feed has become the battle of the latch. I make it deeper, she pulls it shallower. Come on baby, learn to use your tongue!

Nov 16: Fed the baby to sleep. Cocked up the transfer to her Moses basket. Bother.

Nov 18: Like father, like daughter.

Nov 19: Oh Phoebe. Why does it take so long to get an overtired baby to sleep?

Nov 24: Cuddling my sleepy milky daughter. Neither of us is quite awake yet.

Nov 24: My daily companion for breakfast in bed.

Nov 25: It's not been the best of days. Tears were shed. Currently feeling like bad wife and inadequate mother. Hoping sleep will help.

Nov 27: Yesterday Phoebe was pursing her lips and looking like she was trying to make a noise. Today she's blowing wet bubbly raspberries. So sweet!

Nov 27: Phoebe is staring intently at the ladies standing next to us at the bus stop having an animated conversation in (I think) mandarin.

Nov 27: Keep getting angry that Phoebe's tongue tie wasn't picked up until 6 weeks. If we'd had earlier intervention, would things be better now?

Nov 29: This is my 4am face. Let's play, mummy!

Nov 29: Why are baby fingernails so sharp? Ouch!

surviving the 4th trimester

Phoebe is now 14 weeks old. It's gone pretty fast! I'm still getting used to having this tiny person around yet now I can't imagine life without her. She's currently lying on her play mat, kicking her legs and batting at the toys hanging above her head. Though she's getting a bit frustrated and it may be time to pick her up soon.

Good things
My sweet, smiley, generally laid back baby.
Baby smiles are awesome and amazing.
Baby wearing. I love my stretchy wrap! I knew I wanted one having seen my sister Hannah carry Amelia in one (and had a go myself) but didn't anticipate quite how useful and amazing it would be. It sends Phoebe to sleep (mostly. A bit less now as she's getting bigger, but still calms her down). It means I can leave the flat in one go rather than running up and down two flights of stairs with a buggy and a baby. It's easy to get the bus wearing her and wander around town. I probably wouldn't wear it all day and it does take a little while to put on and when it's off, it's quite a big piece of fabric, but I do love it.
Phoebe sleeps well at night, generally sleeping from 10 or 11 to some time between about 4.30 and 6.30. I was pretty sleep deprived in the first few weeks, but now I feel like I get more or less enough.

Less good things
Breastfeeding. I expected to love this and sometimes I do (lying down at night feeding my baby to sleep is so sweet and intimate). But we've had so many problems due to a bad latch caused by tongue tie. Problems in the first few days meant my milk took a long time to come in. We ended up supplementing with formula to get her weight gain up, which I get unhappy about sometimes. I'm trying to let it go and remember that the baby must be fed and she's getting mostly breastmilk, so a little formula here and there to make sure she's got enough calories is fine. Her tongue tie was divided for the second time on Monday and I'm desperately hoping things will improve. Right now I have awfully sore and shredded nipples. :(
Phoebe is a terrible napper. She will sleep in the sling, but attempts at getting her to sleep in her Moses basket have so far failed. I suspect this is mostly my fault. We've never really had a predictable schedule. She also seems to go from happy baby to howling overtired monster in an instant. Although perhaps I don't respond quickly enough to her early grumpy cues? I'm usually frantically trying to achieve something (like eating breakfast) and sometimes don't do anything until she starts howling.

I do love being a mum. I get overwhelmed by it too. I'm going to post this in it's somewhat unfinished state because otherwise it won't get posted at all. Life is a bit like that right now.

Tweets - October 2014

Oct 1: Mini mohican.

Oct 1: I can see one tiny sliver of beautiful orange sunset in an otherwise clouded grey sky.

Oct 4: Baby loves books.

Oct 4: Cute baby is currently cutely refusing to go to sleep. I'm happy she's not screaming but I wish those big blue eyes would close and zzzzz.

Oct 6: Conversation with @robhu: "We could sell the baby on eBay." "We can't do that, we made her!" "Etsy then."

Oct 6: So far have managed breakfast & getting dressed. Not brushed hair or washed face tho. Sad baby needs milk, cuddles & frequent new nappies.

Oct 7: Baby says "More food mummy! I've been feeding for the last 50 minutes but I'm still so hungry I could eat my fingers! FEED ME!"

Oct 15: Completely stunned to learn that nitrous oxide in labour isn't generally available in the USA. You poor poor things!

Oct 15: Awake with a windy wide-eyed baby. How can there be so much gas inside one tiny person!?

Oct 16: "Mummy, I'm so happy I don't want to eat, I just want to smile at you!" *melts*

Oct 16: Think baby has thrush. Probably caused by antibiotics that treated the infection that got into the tongue tie cut. Mouth pain cascade! :(
[Not so sure now. We went to the Dr and were given treatment (antifungal drops) which I dutifully administered until they ran out. White spots still there. Went back to GP, saw another Dr who said white spots were inclusion cysts and nothing to worry about. So not sure if she really did have thrush at all.]

Oct 20: It's first immunisations day for Phoebe. Not too worried about the jabs, though I expect she'll cry, but anticipating a grumpy evening.

Oct 20: Baby's first jabs survived. She screamed, naturally. The needles seemed very big! Now she's snuggled up in the sling.

Oct 20: Mummy cuddles baby. "Oh my baby, I love you very much". Baby sicks on mummy's shoulder. Is that baby for "I love you too mummy!"?

Oct 21: Phoebe slept from midnight to 8. Well done that baby!

Oct 22: No, mummy, you may not eat breakfast. I AM HUNGRY AND MUST BE APPEASED!

Oct 22: Off on our first overnight stay with a baby. Feels like that episode of AbFab when the formerly minimalist couple turn up with a baby.

Oct 22: Not that I have ever been a minimalist, baby or not. (AbFab season2, episode 4: New Best Friend)

Oct 23: At my grandma's house, feeding my baby daughter. This makes me happy. The continuation of family, love, home.

Oct 23: It would be even more perfect if my mum were here too. Four generations of eldest daughters. Maybe we'll manage it at Christmas.

Oct 23: The only sadness is that Grampy isn't alive to see it. Much loved, much missed, but now in glory.

Oct 23: Never thought I could become so obsessed with another human being's digestive system. Ah, baby. At least you're currently predictable.
[Ha ha ha ha ha! The very next she went back to being unpredictable again. That'll teach me.]

Oct 24: Baby, routine for. From Elizabeth Craig's Enquire Within (1951). I'm intrigued by 'holding out'. What is it?
[Still don't know. Maybe holding out over a potty to encourage the infant to wee/poo into it?]

Oct 24: Confinement, articles required for. (Elizabeth Craig's Enquire Within, 1951).

Oct 24: "Beware of ever dressing children in startling combinations of colours or queerly shaped hats."

Oct 24: Not bad advice really.

Oct 24: Her advice on breastfeeding is less good. Also "Always time the feeding carefully - ten minutes at each breast."

Oct 24: Key wardrobe items for a baby including "3 frocks of crepe flannel, delaine, nun's veiling, cashmere or wincey."

Oct 24: "You will find that the choice of birthday cards is limited."  (!)

Oct 25: Oh baby. A big smelly poo at bedtime again. Lovely. :-\

Oct 27: Yesterday Phoebe spent lots of time staring at her right hand. Today's she's using it to batt at a hanging toy for the first time.

Oct 27: So much fun watching her learn things. :-)

Oct 27: Ah, the classic send a stream of posset down mummy's back when she's forgotten to put a muslin over her shoulder. Well played, baby.

Oct 27: I love the way Phoebe turns her head away imperiously when she's finished feeding like a dowager duchess refusing another cucumber sandwich.

Oct 29: "Wake up mummy! It's time to play!"
"But baby, I'm tired. Can I distract you with milk?"
"No, play! Oh wait, a booby, om nom nom."
:-)

Oct 29: Feeding Phoebe and listening to @robhu singing along to Price Tag. Happy. :-)

The many names of Phoebe

Phoebe Muriel Gwendolyn
Phoebe MG
Phee-buh-bee-bee
Phee-bee-bee-bee-bee
Phoebs
P-dawg
P-pup

Monkey
My monkey
Little monkey
Phoebe monkey

Little bear
Grizzly bear

Milky face
Grumpy face
Crumply face

Farty pants
Stinky baby

Littl'un
My little one
My baby

Tweets - September 2014

Sep 2: Misty morning. Autumn really has arrived.

Sep 2: Baby asleep in sling. Chances of successful transfer to cot? Slim to nil. Hmm.

Sep 6: My little monkey is a month old.

Sep 8: Baby may have cow's milk protein allergy. So that may mean no dairy for me until she's not breastfeeding anymore. Eek.
[She doesn't, fortunately]

Sep 9: We got the bus into town. Baby is sleeping while I enjoy lunch in John Lewis.

Sep 12: The pictures on my phone for the last few weeks are either of Phoebe or her nappy contents. Such is the life of a new parent.

Sep 12: Ugh. Last night's sore throat has turned into headache, throat ache and wooziness. An afternoon nap would help but it depends on Phoebe...

Sep 13: Just changed the kind of nappy that requires a bath to clean up. At least the monkey likes baths. Now to convince her to sleep.

Sep 14: Sneezing. First cold of autumn/winter 2014. First time of mummying while grotty. Wonder if the baby will get it too.
[She did. Saline spray and a Nose Frida snot sucker helped a lot]

Sep 16: Liberated a pretty big spider from our living room this evening. It's lucky it was found by me and not @robhu.

Sep 16: There are few sights more wonderful than that of a soundly sleeping baby.

Sep 16: Of course, it never lasts long.

Sep 19: Snotty nosed baby has definitely caught my cold. :-( She sounds like a little snorting piglet. I guess that's appropriate.

Sep 21: Awake with a wide-eyed sleepless monkey.

Sep 24: Feeding the baby and listening to Radio 4. Very peaceful.

Sep 24: Well it was peaceful. This afternoon play isn't.

Sep 25: Snuggled

Sep 27: Colourful 

Sep 28: The relief when a baby who's been freaking out at the breast suddenly calms down and latches on. Wish I knew why. Current theory reflux pain
[It wasn't that, her tongue tie division had got infected. She needed antibiotics.]

Sep 28: Have tried every breastfeeding position I can think of in the last few days. Currently laid back/biological nurturing position works best.

Sep 29: Wondered why my baby's face had sparkles and then remembered I put on blusher with a slight shimmer in it this morning.

Sep 29: Cream blusher is my one step pick me up - takes seconds, makes me look & feel a little more alive. Not time for much other grooming.

Sep 30: Hand in hand.

Phoebe's birth story - Part 3

At 1:20am on 6 August, I started pushing. It was hard work and not ideal with my legs up in stirrups. But once the epidural’s in, that’s what you have to do. I had trouble visualising where I needed to push. In many ways this wasn’t what  I wanted – on my back, pushing in the classic chin on chest manner. I tried to remember the breathing techniques we’d learned in the NCT class but I couldn’t really work out what I should do. So I followed the midwife’s directions and did the best I could. At this point, the epidural being only half effective was useful. I actually had some feeling left which helped me push. I didn’t feel like I was pushing long, though each push was tiring. After an hour and a half though, the midwife was concerned that we weren’t making enough progress. Her senior colleague decided that it was time for intervention – a trial of instrumental delivery. They would try a forceps delivery and if that didn’t work, they would go straight to a C-section. Oddly, the news didn’t upset me or make me feel disappointed. I think that was partly being somewhat out of it and partly relief at knowing we would be meeting our baby soon. I kept pushing with every contraction as we waited to be transferred to theatre. Rob put on scrubs and grabbed his camera. As I was pushed along the corridor, I was pretty convinced that a C-section was going to be the outcome. I felt OK about this.

Once in theatre, there were many people, bright lights and much equipment. I needed a spinal block – a far more effective anaesthetic. I don’t think it took long to put in, but once I lay down again, I felt very sick. I threw up the blackcurrant squash the midwife had made me drink before starting to push (which was the first sustenance I’d had since 4pm). Once I’d stopped throwing up, my legs were lifted into the stirrups – a very strange feeling. As far as I could feel, my legs were still straight and on the bed, yet I could see them up in the stirrups. I could wiggle my toes and see them move, yet I couldn’t feel them move. I couldn’t feel a thing below my waist (They check this by blowing a cold spray at your body and seeing where you can feel it).

Then it was time to push. I couldn’t feel a thing so I had to follow the midwives’  directions of when to push. I tried to remember the feeling of pushing from before and visualise my body doing it. The senior midwife was pleased with the progress I’d made since she’d last examined me. She said she was more confident now that we could deliver the baby with forceps. (I felt very pleased that the effort I’d put in was worth it).

So it proved. I can’t remember how many pushes it took, but suddenly there she was! Phoebe was delivered, wrapped up, placed briefly on my chest and taken away to be checked and have her cord cut. 

I sent Rob over to take pictures. She cried! She was covered in cheesy vernix and had lots of fair hair. They wrapped her in a towel and placed her back on my chest.

I’m not sure what happened then. I know I’d lost a lot of blood (1.2l according to the notes) and needed a transfusion. I remember asking to see the placenta (a huge bloody chunk of flesh) and being amazed that it had been delivered so quickly (2 minutes after Phoebe). I needed to be stitched up. Rob and Phoebe disappeared. I assume they went straight to recovery. There was nothing wrong with Phoebe – her Apgar score of 9 and then 10 proves that. I was pretty out of it and remained so until lunchtime. My legs were still non-functional and I couldn’t move. At some point, Phoebe was put onto my chest for some skin-to-skin and her first feed. She latched on beautifully and guzzled like a champ. I was so proud of her and happy that she was finally here.

Phoebe's birth story - Part 2

Tuesday was fairly relaxed and uneventful. Rob came in about 11. I spent the day snoozing, reading I Capture the Castle, sometimes going for a walk. I managed to sleep for a while in the afternoon. When I was awake, I bounced on a birthing ball. 

At some point in the afternoon, I was told I was next in the queue to be transferred to the delivery unit. Around 4pm we were finally transferred.

The delivery room was smaller than the induction suite and the windows looked out onto a wall. Not exactly exciting or homely. But it was private and comfortable with a big adjustable big for me and a chair for Rob. Our midwife Laura settled us in. First task was getting the monitor sorted. 

I was keen to be on a wireless monitor so that I could move around as much as possible. This was trickier than it sounded. The monitor in the room was missing a piece for the clip on the wireless sensors. A second one was found and some teething problems, it worked. I had a cannula fitted in my left hand – not a comfortable process and a real pain for most of the rest of the time, once it had served its purpose delivering Syntocinin. Laura examined my cervix. I was 1-2cm dilated, open and soft – a good place to start, but some way to go. Then about 6pm, she started the drip. Every 15 minutes she upped the dose and gradually my contractions which had slowed to being almost non-existent and very erratic began to get stronger and more regular.

I had decided beforehand that if I had to have the syntocinon drip, I would want an epidural, but I also wanted to see how far I could get using the TENS and entenox. I think around an hour into the drip, I was ready for gas and air – bouncing on a ball with the TENS and standing for contractions wasn’t quite cutting it. Gas and air is fun stuff. I think the concentration needed to breathe in and out is as much an effective distraction as any painkilling effect. I puffed through each contraction and then felt very lightheaded and drunk afterwards. It helped for a while, but by about 8pm, I was ready for an epidural. 

After that things get hazier. I think the anaesthetist arrived fairly quickly. I continued to puff on gas and air as the epidural was inserted. It took a while to get right. Rob says the process looked painful. I’m not sure if that was the needle or just having to sit still on the bed for it. The position you adopt for having the needle inserted – hunched over and hugging a pillow – is sort of comfortable, but not ideal. There was some fiddling with the dosage and, I think, the position. From now on I wasn’t very mobile. I half sat, half reclined on the bed, fairly out of it, breathing gas and air through contractions when I needed it and saying strange things. (I talked about library books, towels, Rob and his drone). 

The epidural was very effective on my left, but there was one point on my right which still hurt, like a slice through my body which still felt every contraction. Eventually, the midwife and the anaesthetist turned me onto my right side in an effort to move the drugs into the right places. This was my worst moment. I started shivering and feeling very sick. It also didn’t really shift the epidural, if anything the pain on the right was worse once I was back on my back again. I was beginning to feel some pressure in my bottom (only on the right of course). I said “I think I feel pushy”. The midwife checked me again – I was almost fully dilated. By now it was getting close to midnight. The midwife checked with a senior colleague who told her to wait an hour and then another one before I could start pushing. Those two hours are a blur – blame the gas and air! At some point a clip monitor was fitted to the baby’s head to monitor her directly.