sunshine and rain

It's sunny again this morning. Which makes me happy, but will probably make Rob pray for rain. He doesn't like sunshine, though as he's very fair and burns easily, that's understandable.

Over the bank holiday weekend, we went walking in the Lake District. We had sunshine and rain. I like wandering in the hills, Rob doesn't like outside. Poor Rob. I don't think we'll be doing any more hill walking together.

Rob likes rain and I like rain too, especially being inside and warm and listening to a thunderstorm outside, though I'm mostly sunshine powered. Rob survives sunshine, armed with a big hat and 50+ SPF. We'll weather the weather together.

Eurovision!

Tonight is Debs' annual birthday celebration and Eurovision party. Since her birthday is on 18 May, she almost always organises a party to coincide with watching the Eurovision song contest. I haven't been able to make it for years for one reason or another, but this year, I'll be there.

Everyone who's coming gets a country to represent by wearing a costume and bringing food to represent their country. My country is Israel, so I'm taking falafels and hummous and wearing a tea-towel headdress and carrying a sheep (think nativity play shepherds). Should be fun. I'm sure there will be photos.

baby steps

I went to the library and it was OK. I haven't done any proper studying in ages. I've been meaning to ease myself back into it for ages but this was the first time I've actually managed it.

Today I set myself three goals:

To spend at least an hour in the library doing useful things (i.e. not facebook, email etc)

To read through the last pieces of work I did (dissertation proposal and a critical review essay), including my tutor's comments (I handed them last September and even when I got them back I didn't have the courage to look at anything beyond the numerical marks).

To find two articles or books to read which would be helpful.

I managed all three. My dissertation proposal actually made some sense to me, which was comforting, although it was different from the way I've been describing my dissertation to people for the last year or so. The project I've outlined looks do-able and is less focused on Dawkins and his ilk than I'd remembered. (This was one of the things I was dreading about getting back to it). My tutor had made some useful suggestions for things to read, so I came home with Bahktin's The Dialogic Imagination (which looks pretty dense, but I should have a go) and a Foucault Reader, including his essay What is an Author?, which is relatively short and I think I may have read it before.

It may not sound like much, but it was an achievement to get to the library at all, let alone read things. I felt a bit panicky before I went and I'm still a bit tense now, but I feel like I've made the first, very tiny, step towards completing my dissertation. I am setting myself the goal for the rest of May of doing an hour's work on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, either in the library or reading at home. This afternoon I'm going to make the wall planner I promised in my last post, so I can tick off the days and see how I'm progressing.

plodding

Plodding is what I aspire to at the moment. I seem to be rushing rather than plodding much of the time. Today, I have some unexpected extra time thanks to my usual Thursday afternoon activity being cancelled. I think I shall do what I've been meaning to do for a while and go to the library and do some lit searching for my dissertation research.

I should also make myself a wall planner so I can see the upcoming weeks and months and make plans for them.

monstering

Me and my Rob, originally uploaded by the pig wot flies.

Me and my Rob in the sunshine.

surrounded by weddings

Here comes another one. Debs' wedding is barely passed and I'm getting ready for another one. My landlord, Ben, is getting married on Saturday and the house is a whirl of activity and packing. His parents have arrived to stay for the week, there are wedding cakes to be iced and all sorts of things to be done. I'm not complaining. It's fun. I'm going to at least two more weddings this summer, but not until August.

I've got a dress to finish if I'm going to wear it on Saturday. It's mostly done, just the (time-consuming) hand-sewing bits to be done.

HP was here over the weekend. I think she had a good time, mostly. We did a little bit of wedding planning and made plans for what we should do with all the pom poms we've been creating. Many more needed!

I am tired again. (Is that news? Maybe you just take it as read.) I'm gradually cutting down on the fluoxetine I'm taking since I'm feeling much better and I'm fed up with the sleep disturbance and vivid dreams I'm having. So far, there's been little discernible effect on either my mood or sleep. I'm hoping for slow but steady change.

catching my breath

Life's been a little hectic recently. There was New Word Alive, there was a wedding, there was Spring Harvest. This week, well the last three days (after getting back from SH on Tuesday afternoon) has felt like a breathing space. Before what, I wonder? HP's coming to visit for a few days tomorrow, I'm going to another wedding next weekend, going camping the weekend after that.

One of the things I thought I'd learnt last year was how to do less and be more. Reflecting on the last few months, I seem to have forgotten that lesson. I'm as busy as ever, and failing to find time for things that I want to do but find scary, like thinking about my future and preparing myself to go back to my dissertation.

On the upside, I am mostly happy. There are the odd blue days, like Thursday when I woke up from confusing dreams and felt grumpy and befuddled all morning. But I do know ways to cope now - like taking myself out for a bike ride to Beechwoods and talking to people. And there's Rob: just the thought of him makes me smile. :o)

I'd like to slow down and enjoy the ride a little more. Lots of lovely things are happening in my life and the lives of those around me and I want to spend time enjoying life and thanking God for all the good stuff. My resolution for 2009 was to have more fun, and so far, I'm keeping to that! I just need to make sure I take time out to breathe, reflect and be thankful.

Debs and Menard

Debs and Menard: first dance, originally uploaded by the pig wot flies.

It's been a lovely day. Here are Debs and Menard in their first dance. Ah!

Must sleep now!

wedding bells!

No not mine! My sister Debs is getting married today and I'm being a bridesmaid. Actually, bells are unlikely, as she's getting married in a cinema, where her church, Jubilee Church, Lee Valley, meet every Sunday. Debs and Menard and getting married as part of the Sunday morning service. It's going to be fun!

Saturday, saturday, what shall I do today?

Morning world! It's Saturday morning. It's raining. Rob's coming round soon. I need to go food shopping, Rob probably needs to go suit shopping. We're off to New World Alive on Monday. I need to make cake by then (probably chocolate brownies).

This has been a long week. I was ill-ish at the beginning of the week - a cold, probably caught off Rob, but it made me feel awful and very tired. Still, I managed to go home to London to do useful things like buy bridesmaids' dresses for Debs' wedding on 5th April.

I feel in need of a break. I hope Word Alive will be that, though I suspect it will be very tempting to go to lots of meetings and get no sleep. Not a brilliant idea, really. I shall have to make sure I get enough sleep. Still, I'm looking forward to spending lots of time with Rob and learning from God together.

I'm trying to think of some aspect of my life that isn't connected with Rob, but apparently I can't. I didn't want to become one of those girls who gets a boyfriend and suddenly has no time for anything else, but it seems I may have done. I'm sorry, my lovely friends! I do still love you and once I'm back from Word Alive and Debs' wedding is out of the way, oh and maybe Spring Harvest too, I shall try to plan in more time with friends. :o)

Wednesday again?

Hello there! It's Wednesday again and I haven't posted for a week. Life is going by in a bit of a blur at the moment and will probably continue to do so, what with a part time job, a boyfriend, two sisters' weddings to help organise, an MA dissertation to think about (if not actually start on yet), post viral fatigue still making itself a nuisance and umpteen other things to do. I need to practise saying no to stuff!

Still, I like having things to do, even if I get tired. I'm having fun. (And I am getting to bed at reasonable times, mostly.)

Spring has arrived! Hooray! And the clocks change soon. The time change will probably throw me out for a while, it usually does at the best of times, but I know that and can prepare by getting plenty of sleep.

On with the day.

My Rob!

Blogging has been a little quiet of late, and this man is the reason why.

This is Rob. We 'met' when he left a very long comment on my post about dating. We exchanged many many long emails, I found and read his blog and liked what I read. We met IRL for the first time at the City Church Ceilidh on Saturday 30th 31st January and got on very well! So well, that we started going out the very next day.

So far, it's lovely! I met Rob's family the weekend before last and they like me. Rob met a lot of my family all at once this last weekend and not only survived that ordeal, but enjoyed seeing HP in Yeoman of the Guard. My family like Rob too.

We are in love and very happy! :o)

Is this thing on?

My blog seems not to be showing anything on the front page. If this appears, it's working.

ETA: Now all is well again. Weird. Oh well, it proves I'm not dead.

Friday things

Today I had a meeting with someone who pronounces innovative in-NOH-vat-ive. Weird.

Today I ate peanut lasagne for the first time. It was pretty good, though Ben thought it would taste even better without chickpeas in.

Today, I didn't get to bed very early. Not that I exactly tried very hard.

Tomorrow, I am meeting some people on whom I would to make a good impression. Possibly I should therefore have made more of an effort to get good sleep.

Today, I am happy. Tomorrow I expect to be happy, if a little nervous.

Happy weekend!

lazy sheep

lazy sheep, originally uploaded by the pig wot flies.

I had a lovely Valentine's Day. I saw sheep and pigs and donkeys and rabbits and cows.

It was a good day.

sometimes life trumps blogging

This is one of those times. I am happy. Lots of lovely things have happened in the last week and a bit. Maybe I'll tell the blog about them, maybe I won't.

Today has been a cold sort of Monday. Cold and damp. I spent the afternoon tucked up in the warm reading Permutation City which, so far, is interesting. Tonight was Rev in a freezing cold Trinity chapel. Singing is always fun, but we were all fairly chilly by the end of the evening.

Tomorrow is a day off, which will probably get filled up with useful things like washing, with a fun evening to look forward to. Yay for friends!

the weather continues fine

Actually it doesn't, we've had snow and cold and nastiness. But yesterday was sunny and gorgeous and full of lovely things.

Today I saw a fox on the way home from work. I went the back way from the station, over the cycle bridge and then down the alley ways parallel to Mill Road. The fox was ahead of me in the last alley way. I thought it was a cat at first, but then I saw the ears and the white-tipped brush tail. I think it's the first fox I've seen in Cambridge. I used to see (mangy and unhealthy looking) foxes around the streets of Walthamstow (like the one Debs saw) but this one was rather more glossy and alert. Cambridge is obviously a nicer place to be a fox!

Where is this week going? It's flying past! I'm looking forward to lots of fun things this weekend and, I hope, in the days to come. Right now, life is good!

sleepy Monday

I've had a lovely weekend. Though I could do with a little more sleep. The ceilidh I went to on Saturday night has left my legs achy and stiff. I'm clearly not as fit as I could be!

Still, aches and sleepiness aside, I am very happy. :o)

paint box

Today I discovered that I prefer painting in watercolours to painting in acrylics. I like the subtlety and delicacy of watercolours to the brashness of acrylics. With watercolours, you can lay down washes and build up colour slowly, or let colours seep into one another. You don't have to be definite, if you don't want to, and you can easily wash one colour off your brush and pick up a new one.

I used to paint a lot in watercolours, usually drawing an outline in pencil and then colouring it in with paint. Today, that seems too definite. I'd rather start with the brush and a pale colour and see what happens. I can always make it darker, or wash it into even paler, or even wait until it's dry and paint over the top.

I am wondering what this says about me. Perhaps that I like subtlety. That I like starting small and getting bigger. That I like to be sure of the direction before I move, rather than jumping in with both feet. Hmm.

drifting

I feel like I'm drifting along through life at the moment. I'm not planning anything, it's just happening. I'm not sure that's a good thing. I'm drifting through work. It's OK, but I don't want to do it forever. I don't know what I do what to do though and I'm not particularly doing anything to work it out.

My course is drifting. It is officially on hold, but if I want to finish it, I need to get back into the habit of studying, starting by teaching myself how to read properly again. And if I'm going to finish my dissertation, ever, I probably need a plan of how that's going to happen.

My weight's drifting upwards, gradually, but inexorably and I don't seem to be able to muster the will power to do anything about it for more than half a day at a time.

I don't feel able to plan. I'm living week to week, financially, never quite sure how much work I'm going to do and therefore how much money I'll earn. I'm just about OK, but it's easy to imagine sudden emergencies for which there's no slack.

There's no end goal, no time line. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm fighting wars on several fronts at once, trying to deal with stuff the last year has brought to the surface. It feels like there are too many things for one person to deal with all at once. Plus there are plenty of other people around who need looking after.

Oh dear, I seem to have made myself sad. :o( What on earth am I doing in this mess and how do I find my way out of it?