Christmas - 6 weeks

My beautiful snuggly niece

I like having a happy secret. I want to tell everyone, but I also enjoy keeping it myself. I wonder if anyone will guess?

I drank no wine at the work Christmas do. But I did have the convenient excuse of driving down to Exeter immediately afterwards. No wine at the wedding last weekend, despite being surrounded with champagne glasses. But in a largely Christian crowd, that's not unusual. I'm missing out on brie and pate. We shopped for brandy butter, but the supermarket had run out, so there's no smidge of brandy-flavoured sweetness to decide whether or not to forgo.

My parents, sisters and brothers in law know. We opted not to tell grandparents and assorted uncles, aunts and cousins yet. Tomorrow we'll see Rob's family and we'll tell them. (My mother in law will be delighted, hugging me with tears in her eyes).

There's plenty of talk of babies. My niece is 5 weeks and a bit. She's getting lots of cuddles from grandparents and aunties and her great grandma, who is smitten with her. This time last year, she didn't exist. This time next year, all being well, she'll have a new cousin.

I was apprehensive about Christmas. The celebration of a special baby. The miracle of childless Elizabeth conceiving John. It was a struggle to focus on the hope and joy instead of my own pain as I listened to readings and sermons in the weeks leading up to it. Now, unexpectedly, there's only joy.

Mine is no holy baby. Just the ordinary miracle of conception. But I am grateful, for the sudden feeling of being included where I had felt excluded.

4 weeks, 5 days

Best Christmas present ever!

It's Monday morning. For once, I am not at work. Last week was super busy and I decided I needed a day at home. I'm tired and a little grumpy. I've been expecting my period since last Wednesday. I took a pregnancy test last Thursday, which was negative. and another on Saturday, which I think was negative. But then, I was so convinced it would be negative that I'm not sure I looked it at properly.

Today I decide to do another test, just to make sure.

I put the cap on the stick and place it on the side of the bath, determined not to look at it until 3 minutes are up. I distract myself with brushing my teeth, not daring to hope. This is just going to be another of those mysteriously long cycles.

3 minutes are up. I look.

Two pink lines

I can't quite believe it. Suddenly, the moment we've been trying to get to for months, almost 2 years, is here. Step 0: get pregnant. I'm overwhelmed with amazement and gratitude and happiness. I spend a little while just sitting with my happiness, hugging it to myself. Then I have to ring Rob.

He doesn't answer, of course. I email him. "Ring me!" He calls my mobile. "I'm pregnant!" "I thought you might be." We are happy. Finally.

I hug the secret to myself a little more while I eat breakfast. But I have to call my mum. Then my sisters. They're all happy. "You're what? Pregnant! Hooray!" "I knew when you rang that's what you'd say."

An overwhelmingly happy day. So glad I have the day at home to process and calm down a bit before I go back to work.

Step 0: get pregnant. Check!
Step 1: stay pregnant. Ongoing.

Merry Christmas

It's early Christmas morning. Rob's not awake yet, but he will be soon, as we're off to spend the day with his family. Just time for me to wish you all a wonderful Christmas and to post the verse that keeps coming back to me this year.

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.
John 1:14 (ESV)

May you know Jesus, the Word become flesh, and see his glory this Christmas.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all my family, friends, lurkers and random passers by.

I can do no better than copy my beloved and direct you to this film about the meaning of Christmas, made by St Helen's Bishopsgate.

That's Christmas (Short Film) HD from St Helen’s Church on Vimeo.

May your Christmas be full of love and blessings and the presence of Jesus.

Christmas Eve Eve

That was cryptic, wasn't it? No, I'm not explaining. Just things that popped into my head that I wanted to record.

Today was been a good day. I spent most of it working through steps to Freedom in Christ. Lots of praying and renouncing stuff and forgiving people. It feels like God's lifted a huge weight off me and I feel relaxed and free. And very tired. :o)

This evening I've been out to run errands and meet knitters in the pub. Now I'm sitting in my room listening to carols on the radio and contemplating packing. Tomorrow I'm off on the train to join my parents and sisters at my Grandparents' house and the day after that, it's Christmas day!

Have a wonderful and blessed Christmas!

what day is it?

I'm losing track of what day it is. I keep being a day out. Last night I was fairly sure it was going to be Friday when I got up again. Alas, no.

I do know it's a week until Christmas! And that this is my penultimate day at work before Christmas. And that the weekend (beginning with Friday) will be filled with fun things.

This cold's still dragging on. I think it's contributing to the feeling of timelessness. I slept through the night last night which was a lovely thing. For someone's who's recovering from post-viral fatigue and also has a cold, I think I'm doing pretty well. There were almost tears between work and an evening do yesterday, because I felt so tired and didn't want to go out again, but when I did, I enjoyed myself. And I got home at a reasonable hour and went straight to bed with hot lemon and honey.

These diary posts aren't exactly thrilling, are they? I wish I had more exciting/profound/amusing things to say, but I just don't at the moment. I'm not reading any books, not doing much other than sleeping, eating, working, knitting, seeing friends.

Talking of books, can anyone lend me Little Dorrit over Christmas? I loved the BBC version and would like to read it. Or try. I'm hoping Dickens is escapist enough (and unlike Ian McEwan enough) for it not to cause me to panic.

this week I have been mostly sneezing

At least, that's how it feels. I've got the sniffly lurgey that's going around and I've spent the last couple of days lying on the settee feeling sorry for myself, producing large quantities of snotty tissues and watching stuff on iPlayer.

Last night, I slept well and didn't wake up at 3am like I have the last few nights. Hooray! I'm feeling a bit more alive this morning, though I'm still coughing and sniffling. I hope by tomorrow morning I'll be feeling even better and be ready to sing at church.

Christmas is coming up fast. One good thing about being ill is that I've had lots of time to knit, so my gift knitting is under control. Christmas shopping on the other hand, hasn't happened at all. I don't think I'm going to attempt any today - town will be packed. Maybe Monday.

And there are Christmas services next weekend to sing at and invite people to. And then it's Christmas proper. Yay!

It's December!

Hmm, shall I stop this daily posting thing or not? Let's see how long it lasts.

I've been doing more singing at the Rev Christmas concert. Twas fun.

December always seems to creep up on me. I forget that it comes straight after November (despite the fact that it happens every year) and suddenly get surprised by the fact that it's December and not many weeks until Christmas. Yay! I like Christmas. But I do have a few things to do before then, like Christmas knitting and present shopping. And packing to do, and a conference to help organise and lots of other things too.

Better get to sleep then.

odd day

The back brake on my bike jammed this morning, so I had to take it to the bike shop and then walk to work. Today has been a bit disjointed so far. Work has been broken up by the delivery of a large quantity of lunch from the caterers we're trying out and an important phone call to ask a question to which I didn't know the answer and will be broken up again by walking to fetch my bike from the repair shop at 4pm.

Currently stuck in my head, Victoria by the Kinks, or more likely the version by The Fall since that's the one I've heard most recently. All the fault of this post about Christmas traditions on 'Tis the Season. Which is far more entertaining than my wittering, so go and read that instead.