big feet, little feet

I love this picture from a recent walk I took with my friend E and her small daughter E minor.

The focus isn't sharp and the angle's a bit off and maybe the negative space should be on the right instead of the left, but I love the feel of it. E minor loves standing, though she can't do it without help yet. Her mother held her up and let her stand on mummy's feet to see the ducks she loves.

Love.

a year ago

A year ago, a comment on my blog changed my life. I didn't know it at the time, but the man who left that comment is the man I'm going to marry in 50 days time.

Thank you Rob for a year of wonderful things. You have changed my life utterly and forever in ways I never thought possible. I'm so happy to be your Bekki, to be the woman you're going to marry, to love and serve you for the rest of my life. I'm looking forward to our bright future together and I thank God for bringing us together.

I love you, my Rob. :-*

my engagement ring

my engagement ring, originally uploaded by the pig wot flies.

Here is my beautiful engagement ring. It's made of palladium, with a swirling engraved line all the way round. The stones are white and pink diamonds and blue sapphires, three of each. We went ring shopping in Birmingham a few weeks before we got engaged. I had some idea of what I wanted (palladium, engraving, small stones) but I would never have thought of this on my own. We saw this design in white gold, a little thicker (6mm, rather than 4mm) with 9 coloured diamonds - white, pink, a turquoise blue, yellows. I loved the line, but wanted a different metal and no yellow stones, so we had this one made.

I've never really been a fan of traditional one big rock engagement rings. This is much more my style. It's beautiful, and even more so because it was given to me by the man I love as a symbol of love and commitment.

excitement!

I have news - Rob and I are engaged! :-) I haven't stopped grinning since Saturday morning when he asked me. We've spent a lot of the last few days cleaning Rob's flat as he's just moved out. On Friday night, we were cleaning until very late and I was pretty exhausted; I even curled up to sleep on the bathroom floor. So Rob suggested I sleep in on Saturday morning and he'd pick me up at lunch time and take me for a walk.

On Saturday, he turned up at my house at 10.30, when I was just awake and dressed and insisted that we had to go for a walk now, as it was going to pour with rain later. I rushed out, half awake, but happy when he suggested going to Beechwoods, my favourite spot. We wandered around the woods, holding hands, enjoying the peacefulness (and spotting dogs) and Rob began telling me how much he loved me and lots of other wonderful things. As we kissed, he complained that I'd smooshed up his glasses (as usually happens) and pulled his glasses cleaning cloth out of his pocket. As he did, out fell a ring! He went down on one knee and asked if I would marry him. Delighted, I said "Yes!"

We stood in the woods and hugged and kissed and then got jumped at by an over enthusiastic Labrador, which made me laugh out loud. Who knows what the dog walkers thought.

Rob's proposal was a surprise in the timing, though not completely unexpected. We've been talking about marriage for a while. We went to the jewellery quarter in Birmingham a couple of weeks ago and chose an engagement ring, which was being made for us. I thought it wasn't yet ready, but it was, and Rob drove to Birmingham early on Friday morning to collect it. He was even more tired than I was, so after going out for lunch, we spent most of the rest of the day sleeping and generally lounging about. Sunday was divided between church (and many congratulations) and more cleaning and packing. Somehow, that seemed appropriate - a weekend of romance and hard work, being lovey-dovey and being a team, working together. I hope it's a good sign for the years to come.

sunshine and rain

It's sunny again this morning. Which makes me happy, but will probably make Rob pray for rain. He doesn't like sunshine, though as he's very fair and burns easily, that's understandable.

Over the bank holiday weekend, we went walking in the Lake District. We had sunshine and rain. I like wandering in the hills, Rob doesn't like outside. Poor Rob. I don't think we'll be doing any more hill walking together.

Rob likes rain and I like rain too, especially being inside and warm and listening to a thunderstorm outside, though I'm mostly sunshine powered. Rob survives sunshine, armed with a big hat and 50+ SPF. We'll weather the weather together.

My Rob!

Blogging has been a little quiet of late, and this man is the reason why.

This is Rob. We 'met' when he left a very long comment on my post about dating. We exchanged many many long emails, I found and read his blog and liked what I read. We met IRL for the first time at the City Church Ceilidh on Saturday 30th 31st January and got on very well! So well, that we started going out the very next day.

So far, it's lovely! I met Rob's family the weekend before last and they like me. Rob met a lot of my family all at once this last weekend and not only survived that ordeal, but enjoyed seeing HP in Yeoman of the Guard. My family like Rob too.

We are in love and very happy! :o)

on dating (or the lack of it)

So, I'm single. (You don't have to read this blog for very long to find that out). And I'm thinking I'd quite like to do something about that. And I haven't got a clue what to do. In yesterday's Guardian, there was a guide to dating (which, cynically viewed, is an extended advert for their Soulmates site) which made some interesting reading. I've never done 'dating'. Well, I've never really had a love life which existed outside my head. No, that's a bit harsh. But there's been a lot of unrequited longing and the occasional attempt to do something about it, all of which ended in disappointment of one sort or another.

I tried speed dating in October 2007. It was an experience. Not necessarily one I wanted to repeat. I'm glad I did it, but it's not exactly fun, trying to make a decision on a bloke in 3 minutes and knowing he's doing exactly the same with you. It probably didn't help that I was among the youngest there and most of the guys were a good 10 years older than me. Not that's necessarily a problem. I just didn't hit it off with any of the guys I met.

Last year, I wasn't terribly sociable. Being single was one of the many things that bothered me, but I knew I wasn't really in a fit state to do anything about it. Now, I'm feeling better. Mostly. A bit more confident on a good day, at least, and wanting to do something. Yes, the fact that both of my sisters are attached probably has something to do with that. And the fact that I'm not terribly good at waiting and want to make things happen. But, what can I do?

I feel like I have no idea. It's the eternal cry of the single Christian woman that there are no single Christian men, but I don't think that's entirely true. My main problem is not so much finding a man, but what to do if and when I do find someone I'm interested in. I have no idea how to go from being friendly and smiley to making it clear I'm interested in seeing if there's something more between us. I suppose I could say it in English with words, but I'm so expectant of rejection that that feels too scary. (Yes, I know that attitude's wrong, I'm working on it with God's help.) I can do friendships with guys (mostly. Occasionally there's had to be some negotiation of the boundaries. Mostly when I'm interested and they're not. (I can't think of a single successful friendship where it's been the other way round. I can, though, think of some guys I wasn't interested in who I put down pretty ungraciously. If any of them are reading, I apologise. Hmm, I think I've got a lot to learn from some of my lovely Christian brothers)). Anyway, you can't survive as a female physicist without learning to be friends with men. But I don't know how to go from friend to potential girlfriend. I think the idea of being attractive scares me.

So, right, where does that leave me? With no idea of what to do. Any suggestions? Any single male Christian friends you can set me up with? (Preferably local, rather than say, across the Atlantic). Anyone out there want to say hello?

solos and duets

I've been singing again, so it's on my mind. Indulge me.

I rarely sing alone. Even if I'm singing solo, there's generally an accompanist with me. The relationship between singer and musicians is key to how good the music sounds. There's always an element of uncertainty singing with somebody new - will we get on? Will we understand each other? Are they any good? Am I any good? What if it all goes wrong? But when it's good, it's great. There are some people that I love to make music with - they know what they're doing, we trust each other, even if it goes wrong, we'll have sorted ourselves out before the audience has noticed. I especially love singing duets and improvising harmonies. When you don't quite know what's going to happen, but you weave melodies round each other and it just works. It's so much fun! (And I think people like it.)

In music, and in other things too, I work better when I've got a starting point and and a structure. I love singing jazz because you take the tune and fiddle with it, ornament it, play with the rhythm and the melody and the words and sometimes just end up with wordless noises, but it's all fitted into the progression of chords and the pattern of verses, choruses, bridges and middle 8s. I'm not good at designing knits from scratch, but give me a pattern and I'll change it as I go to make it fit better or look different. Essays work much better when I've got a starting point to argue from or a statement to disagree with.

Yes, you can read into this that I would love to have a duet partner for life. Someone to do life with, to bounce ideas off, to argue it out and improvise with. My own accompanist and fellow troubadour. And yes, I would love for him to be a fellow musician. But also, I don't work well alone, no-one does. I need people around me to relate to and have fun with and to be loved by and to love.