things I would like to do

A list written in the middle of last night when I couldn't sleep. Some of which are achievable, some of which are dreams.

• Find a job
• Do Pilates
• Lose weight
• Go to the gym
• Sing more
• Go to Rev again
• Take more photos
• Have a dinner party
• Laugh more
• Paint my wall
• Get rid of stuff I don't need
• Ride horses
• Find a husband
• Go dancing
• Go for more long walks in the countryside
• Walk to Ely
• Go swimming
• Cook for friends
• Go to parties and not be scared
• Go to parties and not stuff my face
• Listen to God more
• Sing prophetic songs
• Knit another jumper I wear as much as Forecast (Of which that is a very unflattering picture)
• Find some perfect jeans
• Make people happy
• Visit friends
• Go out and socialise more
• Not be scared
• Not be afraid or ashamed of being me

technicolour dreaming

I have been having the weirdest dreams. Super-vivid glorious technicolour dreams directed by Cecil B. deMille or Busby Berkeley or George A. Romero. Dreams so vivid they seem more real then reality sometimes. I keep flashing back to things I remember and can't quite work out whether I dreamt them, or they really happened. So far, I've not misremembered or invented anything important, but it's getting harder to tell.

Sometimes my dreams are entertaining, mostly they're odd, occasionally they're downright disturbing and distressing. I wake up frightened in the middle of the night or so unsettled I can't sleep. In the morning, I'm more tired than when I went to bed. I almost dread going to sleep because I don't know what's going to greet me, monsters, wombats, shrinking houses, bullying armies or giant slides. For a while, it was funny, but now it's not. I'm not sleeping properly, I can't concentrate.

I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow and I'm going to tell her about my dreams and see what she suggests. I suspect it might be a side-effect of the anti-depressants I'm taking. If so, then perhaps switching to something else will make the dreams go away. I hope so.