I don't like wednesdays

Or they don't like me. Wednesday always seems to bring a dip in energy. Today I'm tired and tense. I didn't sleep very well last night or the night before. Last week, Wednesday was my worst day. Maybe my body objects to working more than two days in a row? I had two good getting up and going to the library days on Monday and Tuesday and now I'm flopping.

What have I done? I went for a walk in the woods, had a snooze, had some lunch. Maybe I'll venture out now.

sleepy thursday

sleepy thursday, originally uploaded by the pig wot flies.

I should go to the library. But I'm sleepy.

ray of light

I've been away for a few days in Kent, on the Isle of Sheppey, where the family of my friend Lizzie have a holiday cottage. It's been wonderful. The sun shone, the sea was warm(ish), the beach was quiet. I've been doing lots of nothing much, sitting around reading books, playing a bit of tennis and scrabble, swimming in the sea, stroking the dog and lying in the sun.

It all felt like a lovely break from Cambridge and worry. I was so tired last week. I'm sleepy now, but in a relaxed sort of way, rather than feeling exhausted. Plus I had a long day travelling yesterday and my arm muscles are still aching from tennis. Today I'll take it easy, maybe get to the library this afternoon, but not try to do much. Tomorrow, back properly to my essay, which was going pretty well last week.

sleep, busy, sleep

That's not how life is supposed to be going, but sometimes it feels like it. How did it get to be Wednesday? I'm trying not to do too much, but still end up feeling exhausted by the end of the day. Sleep isn't exactly refreshing when you dream that you keep being woken up or beaten up by random people. (I think last night it was Billie Piper demanding that I tell her where to find the Doctor. Weird).

Today I went to the UL, which is a little energy-sapping in itself. At least it didn't nearly make me cry this time. I had a bit more of a clue about how the classmarks worked and managed to find what I needed first go. And I found the photocopiers and bought a card and copied the articles I wanted, so that's an achievement. Now I actually have to read what I've copied. Maybe not tonight though. Tonight I flop.

talk to the bear

talk to the bear, originally uploaded by the pig wot flies.

I'm hiding in my cave.

sunday night in purple

sunday night in purple, originally uploaded by the pig wot flies.

I remember reading a book in which the heroine (a princess) had amethyst eyes. The Ordinary Princess maybe? Or was her name Amethyst? Anyway, the idea appealed. My eyes aren't purple, of course. They're blue-grey, sometimes greenish, depending on the light and what I'm wearing. If I did have amethyst eyes, would I have to have green skin to match?

Sunday night photobooth

Sunday night photobooth - 4, originally uploaded by the pig wot flies.

It's Sunday night. I like Sundays. They're full of praise and worship and people and fun and general good stuff. I'm wearing purple sparkly eyeliner because it's that sort of day.

Tomorrow is Monday. I'm feeling a little trepidatious about Monday. I want to go to the library and do useful work. So that is what I shall try to do. I'm scared though. That's what I tried to do last week. I managed to write stuff on Monday and Tuesday, freaked out and barely tried on Wednesday and Thursday, got to the library and wrote about one sentence before panicking on Friday. Still, in the previous umpteen weeks, I'd done nothing, so that's got to be progress, right?

twirly

It's silly o'clock in the morning and I'm awake. The birds are singing and the sky is getting lighter.

I ache a little after getting knocked off my bike yesterday. I was overtaking another cyclist, who turned right, straight into me. I flew off, scraping my knees and elbow and smacking my head on the tarmac. Fortunately it was on Trinity Street, so there were no cars and I was wearing my helmet, which saved my head. I think I sort of went over the handlebars though, since there's a painful bruise on my stomach.

I'm not sure if pain woke me up, or strange dreams. I'm having lots of vivid dreams at the moment. This one was continuing the book I was reading yesterday. (The Various Haunts of Men by Susan Hill.) It's good, but a little more scary than I'm used to, somehow. Stopping in the middle, before anything's had a chance to be resolved is probably a recipe for unsettled dreams.

Curiously, in my dream, I knew it wasn't real. I knew God was in control and everything was going to be all right. Which is very comforting.

I wish I knew how it would feel to be free

It's a bad day. I'm sitting in the library, staring at a computer screen, staring at my notes, my hands, my books, wondering what the point is. Today my brain feels fuzzy, my throat hurts. I feel unreal, as if everything I can see is an illusion, a mirage my hands would slip through if I tried to grasp it.

When will this end? When will I feel real again? When will the sun shine?