wedding fair

I went to a wedding fair a couple of weeks ago. It was much as I expected - lots of pretty things I couldn't afford (dresses, flowers, hats, cars) and some I wasn't really interested in (chair covers, make-up artists, John Cleese impersonations). I went with some friends: J, who's recently married, E, who's getting married in December and L, my bridesmaid, mostly for the fun of it and to look for ideas we could use. What I didn't expect was to be slightly freaked out by the experience. All the people I spoke to were lovely, very friendly and obviously keen to promote their particular product. That's fine by me, that's what they're there for. It was more the pressure to create a perfect day, but not my idea of perfect - someone else's. It's like there's this identikit wedding template which everyone has to fit into. Expensive dress, perfect flowers, big car, everything covered in bows and flowers and tulle. I felt a bit lost.

Rob and I are semi-side-stepping the wedding industry. We chose our venues (our respective church buildings) without doing the trawling round halls and houses some of my friends have done. I was going to make my own dress, but actually have bought one from eBay, along with my bridesmaids' dresses. I intended to go dress shopping anyway, but having been to a wedding fair, I don't think I want to do that. I'm quite happy with the dress I've got and don't want to spend any more time being told what I ought to be wearing. I suspect we will end up with a wedding that fits most of the cliches and conventions of people of our age and class and that's OK. I just want to be in control of the cliches, rather than having them control me.

I suppose I'm probably falling for my own set of cliches. The wedding ideas I love have mostly come from US-based wedding blogs - OffBeatBride, Wedding Bee. Some of the things I want have come directly from things I've seen on blogs. There are very few new ideas in weddings! Still, finding an idea on a blog and turning it into reality ourselves seems far more fun than paying for someone else to package it up for us.

can I have some sleep please?

I've not slept very well this week. I'm not entirely sure why. OK, a little of it might be to do with late night eBay hunting for bridesmaid dresses, but I also keep waking up far too early. I also seem to be unable to sleep in, or at least sleep as long as I want and be relaxed. If I try to stay asleep as long as I can, I sleep lightly with vivid dreams which take a long while for me to break out of. This means I wake up disoriented and not very rested. I blame fluoxetine. I've reduced the dose I'm on, but still get vivid dreams sometimes, especially in the morning.

The solution is probably to go to bed earlier and not spend any time online when I'm winding down to go to sleep. Trouble is, I don't like this solution! I see Rob most evenings and want to make the most of our time together, so I'm often not home til gone 10. Maybe I should make a point of trying to get home by 9.30 for a while and see if it makes a difference.

Oh dear. I don't like having to go to bed early. What happened to the teenager who used to be the last to bed, got up at 6.30 for school and caught up by sleeping in on Saturdays? Or the student who often missed Book at Bedtime and was regularly lulled to sleep by Sailing By and the 12.30am shipping forecast? :( Sometimes, I don't like growing up.

countdown

Days until I become an aunt: ~35*

Days until I turn 30: 42

Days until Christmas: 115

Days until Rob turns 30: 199

Days until I marry Rob: 200

*Debs' due date is 6th October, but you never can tell with babies.