Bekki hates phones

Really. I do. I can cope with ringing my family, obviously, because they're non-scary. And with ringing people on mobiles, because, generally, you get the person whose mobile it is and that's all fine and predictable but I hate hate HATE using the phone at work. And this is a very bad thing. I always have a long list of things to do and I always leave the things that involve phoning people up as long as possible and stress about it and hope the thing will go away and of course it doesn't and I just get stressed and then the phonecall goes badly because I'm stressed and it all gets worse and worse and worse.

and...breathe.

But seriously, most of the things I'm stressed about at work involve phoning people up and I'm tying myself up in knots trying to figure out how to cope. What on earth am I, the phone-hating, not much of a people person if the people involved are strangers and I've got to ask them for things, get on with stuff quietly in my little corner person doing in a job that's supposed to involve lots of phoning people up, with a large helping of cheek and networking. I'm bad at networking. I'm bad at phonecalls. I'm bad at about 70% of my job. What am I doing here?

Trying to remind myself that I'm excited about the big picture of what my job does and there are things I love about it and God's put me here for a reason and maybe this is time to conquer my fear and learn something new. But right now, I just want to crawl under the desk and cry until all the scary things I have to do have gone away.

Aren't you supposed to get more mature and sensible and maybe confident as you get older? Not working on me right now. No confidence in my ability to do anything, feeling very immature and not very good at anything.

Stopping now. Really will cry if I go on much longer.