I'm back in Cambridge. i'm very tired. I'm moving tomorrow, too sleepy to be stressed about it, most of the packing was done last weekend (by Debbie).
This week has been just what I needed. I wasn't really prepared for it. Monday I was wondering why I was going and for most of Tuesday I was still stressed and angry. Something happened through Wednesday, I'm not excatly sure what, except that it was God and I just relaxed, caught my breath and got into the swing of the conference and more importantly started to listen to God and experience him like I hadn't in months.
I've still got lots to process, the questions I had at the beginning of the week haven't gone away, but I've put them into perspective. The best bit of the week has been spending time with people, the students from City I was staying with. I didn't really know any of them at the beginning of the week, but by the end, we were praying for each other and encouraging each other.
I've got lots of notes to go through and make sense of and I think what I really need is people to talk to, most of all, someone to meet up with and talk stuff through with. I'm not too good at that. Too independent and fussy about who I talk to. But I need to do it because I'm too good at bottling stuff up to myself and trying to think things through alone. Yes, that can be good and God does help, but when the problem you're trying to think through alone is 'Why do I feel so far from God?', you just drive yourself deeper into misery. or at least I do.