Being a grownup is hard

They make it look so easy when you're small. But then you grow up and discover it's quite hard. And then you discover the grownups you thought were good at it are just as bad at stuff as you are. And this is not reassuring.

Pigwotflies is going on hiatus to do some growing up. I'll be back on my birthday, 13th October. Do leave me a comment and say hello or ask me a question and I will answer.

Pigwotknits will still be open for business.

Monday

It's really not been a good day. :-(

This weekend was good. I went knitting on Saturday, made pear loaf, cut up many pears and froze them, cooked paella. Yesterday I went to church, which was brilliant, went to a birthday lunch, ate yummy roast dinner, sat in the sunshine, knitted, went to church again (St Barnabus) which was pretty good, went to the Cambridge Blue and made plans.

And then it was Monday and I had to go to work. And I said entirely the wrong thing on the phone this morning through trying to be helpful. And yet again I've been avoiding things I need to do. And then got some sad news about some friends. So, um, not really a good day. Perhaps Tuesday will be better.

Trying to remind myself that God is big. And my complaints and fears and I are really rather small.

Friday spider

Still down. Thanks for the encouragement, Andree.

Did some phoning today, was sort of OK.
Still feeling overwhelmed by stuff. Lost in a maze of things to do.

Weekend = a Good Thing.

Bekki hates phones

Really. I do. I can cope with ringing my family, obviously, because they're non-scary. And with ringing people on mobiles, because, generally, you get the person whose mobile it is and that's all fine and predictable but I hate hate HATE using the phone at work. And this is a very bad thing. I always have a long list of things to do and I always leave the things that involve phoning people up as long as possible and stress about it and hope the thing will go away and of course it doesn't and I just get stressed and then the phonecall goes badly because I'm stressed and it all gets worse and worse and worse.

and...breathe.

But seriously, most of the things I'm stressed about at work involve phoning people up and I'm tying myself up in knots trying to figure out how to cope. What on earth am I, the phone-hating, not much of a people person if the people involved are strangers and I've got to ask them for things, get on with stuff quietly in my little corner person doing in a job that's supposed to involve lots of phoning people up, with a large helping of cheek and networking. I'm bad at networking. I'm bad at phonecalls. I'm bad at about 70% of my job. What am I doing here?

Trying to remind myself that I'm excited about the big picture of what my job does and there are things I love about it and God's put me here for a reason and maybe this is time to conquer my fear and learn something new. But right now, I just want to crawl under the desk and cry until all the scary things I have to do have gone away.

Aren't you supposed to get more mature and sensible and maybe confident as you get older? Not working on me right now. No confidence in my ability to do anything, feeling very immature and not very good at anything.

Stopping now. Really will cry if I go on much longer.

magnolia Wednesday

magnolia, Ely, originally uploaded by the pig wot flies.

No reason, just pretty flowers.

And puzzlement. Why is a wonky picture of a building in Melton Mowbray, taken on a cameraphone, getting about 5 times as many viewings as any of the other pictures in my flickr photostream?

Because I am not the only person in the world.

And I just have a cold, it's not the end of the world.

And some people might be having a rather worse day, for rather more serious reasons.

Apologies for my bad mood.

Five years ago today I was unemployed and at home. I remember hearing on the radio that a plane had crashed into a building in New York. And then a second. I went and turned on the telly and saw the footage, endlessly repeated, of the second plane crashing.

Debs says we saw the planes crashing when we were in Argos. I remember going to Argos later in the day and seeing the aftermath. One of us must be wrong. Memory is an unreliable elephant.

Did we realise then how much the world was going to change?

grumpy morning

It's Monday. I have a cold, which is making my head and throat hurt. It's not bad enough to stay at home though. I have lots to do and people keep having more ideas of thigns I should do. I need to phone people up and coldy heads and phonecalls don't mix very well.

Grr.

Is it Friday yet?

not quite as bad as expected

Last night I played a cello* for the first time in about two years. And it didn't sound as terrible as I feared it might. I shall have to bring some music back next time I go to London and see if I can still play anything. I'd like to have another crack at Bach's cello suites. I played some of suite 1 while I was still having lessons and one movement (the Courante, I think) was one of my grade 6 pieces. I now know all the suites very well, having listened to them over and over and I'm hoping that might help my ability to play them. I'd really like to be able to play in worship, but I'm so constrained by having to have music in front of me. Perhaps I should try to teach myself chord structures or just sit and play along to the radio for hours and see if I get any better at turning the music in my head into finger and arm movements. Anyway, it was a pleasant suprise to find I could still make a tuneful noise.

*Sophia has a cello because a friend of hers is trying to teach her to play it.

better than expected

M11 rainbow, originally uploaded by the pig wot flies.

I've had my cameraphone for about a year now and sometimes I remember to take photos on it and sometimes I don't. Up to now I hadn't found a way of getting the photos off it. I have the right USB cable and the software, but not owning my own computer meant I couldn't install the software anywhere. Now I found a way to get stuff off my phone by Bluetoothing it to the office Mac. Some of the results are on my flickr and I'm rather pleased with them.

Overall, it's a bit hit and miss. Too bright or too dark and everything looks terrible. But it seems to be quite good at taking snaps of people in daylight at not too far away. I'll have to do some more playing and see what I can do.

back from Scotland

scotland holiday 2006 - cow, originally uploaded by the pig wot flies.

Just a few pictures of Scotland on flickr at the moment, more to come when I get my films developed. This cow is walking along the road North of Gairloch towards a lighthouse, the name of which escapes me and which we never got to.

Scotland is beautiful, the weather wasn't warm, but it wasn't too wet either. We saw few midges in our first week (on the West coast, so plenty of sea breezes to blow them away) but rather a lot in our second week (on Skye). We walked, we picnicked, we drove about, we paddled in the sea, we sat on the beach and read, we knitted, we took photos, we ate curry rather a lot.

A good holiday, I'd say.

hello from Skye

I'm on Skye. It's beautiful. That's all you're getting 'cos my time's running out. More details and pics some time soon, I hope. Byee!

always the last to know

Probably. But, there's going to be a film of Beowulf! Next year! Woo!

Now I'm really going.

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

quack

duck, Ely, originally uploaded by the pig wot flies.

Something to amuse you while I'm away.

holiday minus 1

It was lovely to wake up this morning and realise this is my last day at work before my holiday. Hooray!

Last night I went to see Twelfth Night in Trinity Gardens with my housemates and a couple of Mel's friends. It was a lovely evening, if a little windy. We took a picnic and munched away before the play and during the interval. Watching Shakespeare outside feels like a very English way to spend a summer evening. Lovely.

On the way home, we cycled through the centre of town, down little alley ways, past King's College and over Parker's Piece. "We live here," I said, "Isn't that crazy?" And it's true. I'm growing to love Cambridge, it's odd and old and pretty. Last night, under clear starry skies and a full moon, it was beautiful.

Off to Scotland for a while, so most likely no blogging for the next couple of weeks. Have a good summer!

holiday minus 4

Ready to go away, but still at work and sleepy.

Yesterday was gorgeously hot and summery. After church, my housemates (Sophia and Mel) and I ate lunch in the back garden and then stayed there all afternoon, reading (Mel), sleeping (Sophia) and knitting (me). And it was good, so quiet and not too hot. There are three big trees next to the shed that provide a green canopy over about half the garden (dunno what sort of tree, must look it up). It's not a big garden, but it has a small lawn and buddleia and a passion flower plant and rosemary and lavender and other nice things AND we don't have to mow the lawn because our landlord's friend's son comes and gardens.

Wish I was there now.

piractical rumbustifications

Last night, I saw Pirates of the Caribbean - Dead Man's Chest and enjoyed every last swash and buckle and slimy creature and barnacle of it. It does suffer a bit from being the middle film of a trilogy, but if you can cope with the lack of tied-up ends, it's good fun. Johnny Depp steals the show as usual and poor Orlando Bloom just can't compete, but Keira Knightley gets to swagger around and Bill Nighy's great, despite being hidden under an octopus.

It seems I'm not the only one enjoying shipboard adventures. Geoffrey Chaucer has been living a piratical life.

time, time, time

Not enough of it, yet I waste it.

Too much to do at work.

Yet in so many things I seem to be wasting time or finding excuses for not doing things. Like making friends, joining things, cooking for other people, making the most of where I am.

Time is precious, but I need to learn to be generous with it.

nothing but blue sky

nothing but blue sky, originally uploaded by the pig wot flies.

It's still hot. It rained last night, but today is blazing hot again. Actually the sky is hazy today, not bright blue, but it feels like it should be.

The end is in sight of my busy fortnight. two and half more days and then I can go home and sleep. And go to a wedding. And then sleep some more.

The conference is going well. People are getting lots of out it, although it's pretty intense and exhausting, especially in this weather.

Soon it will be August. How did that happen?

hot, tired, busy

Not much blogging likely this week or next. We've got a two week conference on at work and I'm busy from morning to night. Still quite tired and not eating much, so I'm trying to take it steadily. Cambridge college conference cuisine is not conducive to convalescence.

It's going well so far, apart from a minor disasater on Sunday night when we turned up at the place we were going for dinner to find they weren't expecting us at all. Completely my fault. I thought I'd made the booking, but apparently had only asked for a quote and never confirmed it. We ended up in a restaurant instead and people had a good time and probably better food than they would otherwise have had, but it was an expensive mistake to make.

Hopefully the rest of the conference will go more smoothly.

hello world

Just about emerging from my sick bed.

I've been laid low with a stomach bug which has pretty much wiped me out. I'm back in work, but not really back to normal. Loads to do, the next two weeks at work are super-busy. Not really the best time to get ill. Nothing I can do about it though, just get on with it.

Prayers appreciated!